I'm laying here in bed, which is something that I've been doing all day, all week, all month it feels like. My goal tonight is to chill out until they take my last vitals for the evening and then drift to sleep with the help of Ambien.
I'm not a huge fan of the pill, this will be my third night taking it. First night I had a whole 5mg pill, second night - cut in half to make a 2.5 mg and tonight I think I'll go back to the 5mg. I just kept waking up too often last night and the woozy effects the day after remained the same, no matter what dosage amount.

Great news though, Dr. P did in fact show up today! I am willing to bet that he really isnt happy with how I'm coming along and wishes my bleeding would stop, well I agree with him, I wish it would stop completely. Forever. But there is only one 100% sure way of that, and that would be surgery, something that I'm not 100% sure I'm ready for. I want to exhaust all avenues of putting this disease into remission and being able to live my life. I'm really worried about what the future is going to bring, whether its more flareups, more hospital visits, not being able to travel, etc. But I really have to learn to put my faith in God and take one step at a time.
My first step: Dr. P decided to forgo the 5 days left of my wait time and go ahead with an early Remicade infusion, my second. Then put me on a "Soft" diet. I imagined mounds of mashed potatoes and applesauce - still a nummy change from the chicken broth and countless bowls of sugary jello. And is going to send me home most likely on Friday!

Right as soon as he left my room, my mom went down to the cafe and brought up some toast for me, (pizza for her and dad too, but I tried not to pay too much attention to that. Must remember, cheese = worse for me now than normal.)
I felt like I was breaking some rule, toasted white bread really wasn't considered part of the "Soft diet" was it? And not to mention, how well was it going to play with my damaged colon? I have a feeling I'm going to be googling a lot of foods for a while, to see how well other people have reacted.  And I still find it funny that a cup of broth and 2 slices of toast can fill me up.

Then came dinner! I was overjoyed to hear the little knock on the door and the announcement of "Nutrition!", watch them bring in this tray with an unknown meal - they keep the main course covered with those weird heavy plastic domes. But I could smell the vegetable soup, and it pleased me. Unfortunately, I did not finish my green beans, as they were just steamed and too rough for me to digest, the soup was very salty, but I drank all of the broth, and after making sure the tomatoes were sans seeds, ate a few of them. Also the mug in the right hand corner, it's coffee. I kind of laughed at the thought of me drinking coffee again. Everything else was really good, my critic was probably biased, since it has been 12 days since I've had a meal that required cutting, and chewing. They left me a little menu to plan out my meals for tomorrow. I opted for cottage cheese, more bland soups (chick. noodle & mushroom soups), herbal tea, pudding, turkey sammiches and something I'm probably going to regret - baked salmon. My choices were: Cheeseburger, Lasagna, Baked Salmon. Of course to me, the fish is the least dangerous. We'll find out tomorrow ;)